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foreign seas
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[06 Aug 2010|04:03pm]
the rain won't shed a tearCollapse )
words are wind

follow follow follow me [06 Aug 2010|02:30pm]
times are changing!
you can find me here:
words are wind

[08 Mar 2010|11:25pm]
words are wind

[05 Dec 2009|06:15pm]
so i'm selling a pretty awesome jack kerouac journal that i made.

{ 3 } words are wind

[04 Nov 2009|09:48am]
so, i know it's been awhile, but

phil elverum is in my living room! haha

straaaange life.
{ 8 } words are wind

[13 Jun 2009|08:08pm]
selling some more things on ebay

please buy! i have some weird stuff haha
words are wind

ebay [14 Apr 2009|02:40pm]

i'm selling 20 things on ebay. a few vintage dresses, my tom's that didn't sell, and other stuff.
words are wind

[05 Apr 2009|04:11pm]
i hate moving journals, but i feel no where close to the person i was when i first started this one. it's hard for me to really update and put my feelings into this one because i feel so detached from it. as lame and cliche as this is, a chapter is closing in my life, and it's just time to move on.
so, lovelies, please add me?

& we are still wild
{ 5 } words are wind

[06 Mar 2009|11:37pm]
So, I somehow found myself with $30 extra dollars (which should go straight into savings, but heyyy I'm going to live a little), and I've realized that I haven't really bought anything for myself outside of food, and god, I am so sick of (over)eating junk food. ANYWAYS, I was wondering if any of you have lovely art or zines to share? I really am in the mood to read an interesting zine or comic or something.
words are wind

[06 Mar 2009|06:35pm]
what a day!

· yesterday, i got married. no, seriously. it was really more awkward than nice, but still, amazing. dustin's parents always make me feel kind of uncomfortable. but yea, i'm now mrs. danielle marie atkins. i think they think i like tricked him into marrying me or something. sigh.

· i got to see bre and josh. haven't seen them in forever.

· got chinese. yummmm tofu.

· watched a movie called trade. now obsessed with human trafficking. it's so awful.

· the weather was amazing today, and i did absolutely nothing.

· decided randomly to up my ears a step. one ear is a 2g now, the other one is stuck at 4 because i seriously cannot get it through and i don't know what to do. i think i went up too fast, but whatever.

· immediately after this horrific ordeal, dustin's mom called, it was awkward, as usual. she wants to have dinner with me, dustin, and my parents. ugh.

· so much to do with the whole name change and crap. ugh.
{ 3 } words are wind

some going ons [22 Feb 2009|12:05am]
+ 5 day "vacation" from work. i was off wednesday, picked up a four hour shift on thursday, and i had to get friday and today off to go to pittsburgh. then next week's schedule i have sunday, monday, and tuesday off. so basically i've been off for like a week, which is awesome because i'm still getting like 30 hours a week.
+ pittsburgh was really amazing. dustin and i had a great day. we ate lunch at the beehive, went to different shops on the southside, then ate dinner at double wide, which was gah amaaazing. seitan wings kill me everytime.
+/- anarchist ball. it was alright. it's not that i felt out of place or anything, but i really wasn't feeling social, and i really didn't talk to anyone besides dustin. dancing was pretty fun though, and they had a pretty neat band and some cookies.
+/- going to pitt with my parents was kind of crappy. dustin and i were really tired from the night before, and we got there kind of late, and i really wasn't in the mood to be there. i went to the exact tour my senior year. i'm still pretty scared and worried about finding a house and moving to pittsburgh and paying for school. it just reaffirmed how shitty my parents are. my dad and mom agreed to pay the $300 enrollment deposit, since i paid it my senior year, and they owe me, but they "forgot" it today. not to mention, they showed up late this morning my dad actually fell asleep in a presentation, and i paid for their lunch. ridiculous. some things never change.
++++ uh, I'M GETTING MARRIED. no joke. dustin and i were planning on getting married (secular, just a ceremony, not legally), but for financial reasons, we've decided the best decision would to legally get married now (since it really doesn't mean anything to us). that way, my income and his income would be taken into consideration, not my parents, who aren't helping me at all for school. so we're going to legally get married, get engaged this summer (as he was planning on) and then getting married summer 2010. it's a decision that i'm really happy about. i've realized that i wanted to marry him, and i'm 100% sure that he's the guy i want to spend my life with, so why not?
- losing my voice/getting sick
- anxiety about financial aid, paying for school, finding a place to live
- since our accident, i get really freaked out while i'm in a car. buses don't really bother me, but just riding with my parents to pittsburgh was giving me a near heartattack. it's official that i will never drive in my entire life.
++++ finally getting my life together and a plan for my future. i'm really excited about everything.
{ 2 } words are wind

ahsjdahsda [16 Feb 2009|02:06am]
{ 22 } words are wind

[03 Feb 2009|04:36pm]
sorry no updates. been busy working 9 hours shifts without breaks at my craphole job that i hate.

some things have been going on, i guess. other than making bomb ass delicious vegan food like everyday, the best news is I GOT INTO PITT!!!! which is good and bad, i guess. it's good because well, i get to move to pittsburgh and finally go to school and all, but i'm so fucking stressed that we won't find awesome room mates or be able to afford anything and life will take a giant shit on my face, as usual. dustin and i were looking for awesome places to eat that are vegan in the city that we've never been to or even heard of. we're pretty excited to be able to go and get a vegan meal without worrying. dustin and i are going down to visit on february 21st, if anyone wants to hang out with us.

speaking of, this month should be really fun. we're getting a new manager at work, so i won't be working as much which will suck money-wise, but will be awesome otherwise. it's starting to feel like spring more and more. i cannot wait.

february 10th is my baby's 26th birthday, and i'm really excited to cook him a great meal, and just spend time with him. we're going to hold all major celebrations until the 20th/21st. that day we're probably going to go out to eat at a nice little place in our town called earnest gourmet.

february 14th is obviously valentine's day, which is lame, but me and dusin decided that we want to spend the night at home together rather than dealing with psychos at work or depressed single people renting a shit ton of movies.

february 20th is an informal formal anarchist ball in pittsburgh. if anyone is going to this, let me know. i'm pretty stoked. we're going to get a bus real early, spend the day in pittsburgh, and then go to that. come home for the night, then get up early and go to the pitt visit. we plan on going to doublewide and officially celebrating all the stuff that's going on this month. haha.

hmm.. what else has been going on? nothing really. good food and waiting out the winter. i watched an awesome documentary on iran the other night, and i'm so obsessed now. i rented persepolis. i am reading emma goldman's living my life, which i can't put down.

i just can't wait for spring. and i hope everything works out for school.
i better go get ready though, i have to work :(

{ 4 } words are wind

[22 Jan 2009|11:39pm]
well, I have $25 gift certificate to Amazon.com, and I have no idea what to buy!?!

So, basically, I need suggestions!


Technically, it doesn't even have to be a book, so yeah.

I like all kinds of stuff, really. From classic lit to books about anarchism/political theory, etc. etc.
{ 11 } words are wind

yumyumyum [21 Jan 2009|07:58pm]
so, since we have nothing better to do because we're sore as hell, Dustin and I decided to start a food blog. (also, because we're giant nerds and even bigger foodies).

Here's a link. Check it out!

{ 1 } words are wind

[20 Jan 2009|12:31am]
so, today me and dustin were driving around pittsburgh, and we were kind of lost, but found the road we needed to be on, so we turned quickly on a green light. well, long story short, we got into a head on fucking collision. it was the scariest moment of my life, and i am so fucking grateful to be alive it's unreal. dustin and i are both okay, we got banged up pretty bad, and we went to the ER just to get checked out. we're fine, but in a ton of pain, so me and my baby are going to lay around for the next couple of days and take pain pills they gave us. the driver was okay too, but a total dick and needed a few stitches. i apologized like 9348349 times and asked how he was , and he was so rude to me. when i'm in a traumatic experience, i don't know. something snaps that makes me realize that life is too short and all that cliche bullshit, but he was just a dick. yes, your head's bleeding. at least you have a head, dick. anyways, i realize that i'm done sweating the small things, and i'm going to enjoy every single fucking moment because life is beautiful and i am in love. who could ask for more?

dustin's car is totaled, but i am just so grateful we're both alive and great. it made me realize how much i love him and how important he is to me. i am so thankful. the first thing that went through my mind was not "OH MY I'M GOING TO DIE" or anything like that, but "i hope dustin is alive and okay." this is going to force us to walk and take the bus and bike and eat in town, but it's going to SUCK not having a car. hopefully things will work out and we'll move soon. i'm just thinking positive thoughts. on the bright side, we ate at the co-op in pittsburgh, and i had the best amazing vegan lunch ever. plus we got a bunch of good groceries.
good food, a warm house, tons of books, and my love...all i need. i also swore i'm never getting a car ever. i would be too scared to drive it, and i couldn't live with myself if i hurt someone, even on accident.

really though, i am going to start appreciating every moment. it's so great to just be alive, you know?
{ 13 } words are wind

[18 Jan 2009|12:21am]
strange things have been happening.
the other night (i made a post) about a dream i had where i was on a plane and it crashed into a river, and everyone survived. well, apparently this happened in new york (in my dream, i was in chicago, but still). this is crazy.
life is weirddddd
{ 1 } words are wind

life! [16 Jan 2009|03:57pm]
life has been pretty awesome lately.
with the exception of my manager (who was super cool) moving to altoona and the weather (7 degrees, but with windchill feels like -9) and these horrible worries that i won't get accpeted into Pitt, life is going well.

being strict vegan in the new year has been going okay. while i haven't deliberately eaten anything non-vegan, being stupid for a month and a half and just being vegetarian has really messed with my brain. i don't remember all of the ingredients that i can and cannot have, i forget to check labels (slip ups: jelly beans with beeswax and salt and vinegar chips with lactose). then, we went out to eat for my manager's going away party, and i ordered a vegetarian taco salad, which on the menu made no mention of anything non-vegan. well, i get it and on top is a giant dollop of sour cream and shredded cheese. i didn't know what to do, i didn't want to send it back, so i just scraped it off, but still felt weird about eating it.

i've been working hardcore. but glad for it, because i really want to save up for moving and vacation. dustin and i are going on a two week vacation before we move to pittsburgh. i've been looking at houses and stuff to rent, and i'm super excited (more so about moving than the vacation). hopefully everything pans out. for the first time in my life, it feels like that i'm going to start living, if that makes any sense. i thought maybe greensburg would provide me with things to do and life to live, but honestly, this has just been a transition--- waiting for dustin to finish school so we can start having real adventures.

we'll see how it all goes.
{ 2 } words are wind

[13 Jan 2009|12:48pm]
reapplying to college is hard work.
i hate writing essays.


{ 26 } words are wind

[11 Jan 2009|12:44am]
things have been incredibly shitty.
nothing is ever good enough for me, and i have no idea why.
it's like i'm always completely empty, stirring over the missing piece, when in reality, what's missing?
i cannot be happy in the moment.
it hurts my heart and my brain to sit still.
i have a nice apartment, lots of good books, a great, loving, amazing boyfriend, a job that pays well, and doesn't suck that much, good food, but still, i'm not happy.

all i can think about is chasing after this big thing, and i don't even know what that is or where it's going or if i'm even going to be happy when i get there. i thought i was over this, i thought i outgrew this. i can't even make decisions because when i do, i'm never happy.
i get so bored with everything in a matter of seconds.

i don't even know what the next step is.
honestly, i just want to move out west, where the weather doesn't suck so much, there's people who will be my friend, and i can go to school. i don't know.

a minute ago, i told dustin that i hate my life, and he told me that that wasn't a nice thing to say because it makes the people in my life feel like shit.

i know he's going to get sick of me, of this, whatever this is. i know that he's going to get tired of endlessly trying to please me or make me happy. i know that he's going to get sick of me wanting something new every five seconds, wanting to irrationally travel or just go or follow something or anything that happens to walk by. i know that i'm hurting him, and slowly, he's going to leave me, just like everyone else.

i've lost all of my friends. honestly. none of them really talk to me anymore, and i have to wonder if it's because i was always too busy focusing forward that they fell out of sight. i wonder if it's because i'm too self-absorbed. i'm not self-absorbed as in i constantly think about myself and think i'm great, but i'm always focused inward, trying to figure out what's wrong with me, or what'll make me happy this second, or into my own thoughts. if they invited me out, i'd decline, and spend the night at home by myself.

i think i'm honestly destined to be alone because i keep hurting the people around me. it's not malicious or intentional, it's just how things are. i sometimes wonder if i'd be better off, floating and hitching and squatting, it seems like i cannot build long term substantial relationships, i can't stay in one place long enough for that to happen.

not only do i constantly want to move, but i do love and care about people and i want to take them with me, but they have other plans, other goals, other directions. sometimes, i wonder if i'm pressuring dustin into moving west. i make people feel like absolute shit for wanting to stay in one place. i'm too all over the place emotionally to get close to anyone. one minute, i want to spend all of my time with them, the next i want to be alone, the next i feel angry and irritable.

i feel absolutely horrible, and i don't know how much longer i can take living this way.
{ 10 } words are wind

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